Raising With Threats: Why It’s Wrong And How To Stop

Never choose to bring up threats. Threats only build fear, and fear is never a good way to go.

“If you do not pick up your toys now, I will never buy any toys again.” This threat, and similar ones, are common ways of telling our children to wait.

In this article, we examine why this type of parenting is harmful and how to avoid it.

The effect of threatening children

Many parents use threats to try to educate their children. The problem with that is that a child quickly realizes when their parents fail to keep their promises – or live up to their threats.

Many threats are unrealistic. It would be difficult or impossible to apply them fully. Empty threats can lead to a child losing respect for their parents’ authority.

Instead of falling into the trap , parents should resort to other strategies. The best are the ones that help you understand how your baby’s brain works. They help you raise your children effectively without using empty threats.

In the same way, by avoiding threats, your children see you as positive and kind and not a negative, authoritarian type.

Why is it wrong to bring up threats?

Using strategies based on fear is not good. In the long run, it can be counterproductive:

• Threats create an atmosphere of insecurity and mistrust within the family.
• It is an authoritarian parenting style that goes against modern theories of upbringing and learning.
• Raising with threats is equivalent to raising with violence in the home.
• Inconsistencies between what parents say and what they do.

The serious consequences of raising with threats

Threats are not good for teaching your children. These may seem like empty words, but they are a clear demonstration of psychological violence.

Sometimes the threats are accompanied by screams, which can affect the child’s behavior and psychological well-being.

The consequences of overusing threats include:

• The child does not take responsibility for his actions. It will respond to threats, but only to avoid punishment or loss of a benefit or reward.
• Parents become less credible in the eyes of their children. This is because, in the heat of the moment, they are making threats that are so serious that they are impossible to carry out.
• The child loses confidence in himself and does not develop his own criteria and self-control.
• The child becomes stressed, which is not beneficial for the emotional development.

3 effective ways to educate

In order for a parent to gain authority in the eyes of the children, their words must be consistent with what they are actually doing. 

• Do not use drastic consequences. They will not be effective. Your child knows what you will be able to accomplish and not.
• Never promise something that you are not sure you will be able to deliver.
• Keep your promises, whether they are positive or negative.

How to raise children without threats

When parents use threats to try to shape their child’s behavior, it only shows that they lack other childcare strategies. It is a sign of problems and weak ties within the family.

Avoid the following common but ineffective techniques:

• Readings
• Manipulation and extortion
• Verbal or physical violence
• Overuse of rewards and punishments

Instead, teach your children that it is normal to make mistakes. Help them learn from and correct their mistakes. Show them that no mistake is big enough to stop loving them.

This does not mean that you should stop disciplining your child. But raising with threats is a mistake that has negative consequences both in the short and long term.

Understand your child and help him do the best he can because he wants to, not because he is afraid of what might happen next.