The Stoplight Method To Help Children Manage Their Anger

Every day we see children bursting out in public crying attacks, kicking and screaming at their parents for various reasons. Maybe it’s even our own children. In that case, the stoplight method may be the answer you are looking for.

When the emotional volcano erupts, we often see parents react incorrectly in two different ways. Some parents adopt an even more irrational attitude. Others are more forgiving and allow their children to manipulate them. It is obvious that none of these reactions are particularly good.

But what if there was a method to help our children deal with their own outbreaks? Good news! That’s exactly what the stoplight method is about.

Red, yellow and green: Every color has a meaning

The self-management method consists of showing the children a graphic representation of their emotional state. Each time there is a problem, you explain what phase they are in and what it means.

Let’s look at what each color in the stoplight means:

• Red: Your child gets an outburst of anger and if he does not change his attitude, it will have consequences. If your child does not quit, the consequences should be applied. It is at this moment that we show the child the color red.
• Yellow: It’s time to think. Your child is upset, but has not yet lost control. This is a warning signal where we can still invite our children to reason.
• Green: The child talks and gets explanations about what he wants. If your child continues with this calm, we show the color green and congratulate him on maintaining self-control. During this phase, we can offer the child solutions to the problem and even provide positive reinforcement.

How do I start?

One day when you notice that your child is upset, explain the stop light method. You can tell your child that you are tired of punishing her and that is why you should start with this new procedure or agreement.

Then put a cardboard or paper stop light on the wall. 

You can cut out red, yellow and green circles and place them on the stop light, one by one according to your child’s current emotional state.

You can also pin them all at once and just point to the one that represents your child’s condition at any given time.

It is good to use the method when you are out of the house as well. Depending on your child’s emotional state, tell her what color of stoplight she is in.

Some considerations about the stop light method

You can use the method with children up to 5 years of age. The idea is not to control the child through punishment, but rather to direct the child so that he can handle his own stages of anger.

Your child will have enough time and warnings before things get out of control.

The purpose of the method is for children to eventually learn to identify their impulsivity.

The colors serve as an illustration to help them think before moving on. In a way, this is similar to counting to ten instead of losing control.

Of course, the method requires time and commitment on the part of the parents. You may even want to take advantage of more relaxed opportunities and playtimes for your child to identify their feelings with colors.

The method is similar to the ones we use when we teach our children colors and numbers.

Advantages of the stop light method

• It is definitely much more effective than being aggressive or as upset as their children. When you lose control as an adult, you send vague signals to your children.
• The method gives the child the chance to become aware of his own person; it’s a chance to learn. The activity also helps your child to make changes in their own behavior.
• The rules become very clear and the child internalizes the ability to handle his or her emotional state. For the method to be effective, parents must of course act as examples and be patient enough to explain. The goal is for the children to become adults who can reason and be self-disciplined.