Young People Want Our Love, Not Our Explanations
Adolescence is characterized as a phase where emotions dominate. So why do we always try to solve their problems with lectures based on reason? Our young people want our love and affection. Our lengthy explanations and explanations do nothing to create healthy communication with our teenagers.
During this time, the parents have to change their attitude. When children are small, we have to help them with everything and decide most things, but for our teenagers this approach is no longer suitable. We need to change our approach and adapt our parenting style. Of course, we still need to pay attention and take responsibility for large areas of our children’s lives. But at the same time, we need to start giving them more independence and let them take more responsibility.
Adolescence is a complicated time, both for parents and children. If we want to maintain healthy communication with our children, we must make an effort to understand them and show them that we care. Our children want our love and affection, and it is the most powerful tool we can use to connect with them.
Why do young people want our love and no explanations?
Many parents try to reason with their older children and teenagers, or just follow their own criteria, without taking into account the young person’s feelings. And as a result, their children shut down and communication becomes impossible. So what can we do to empathize with our teens and show them that we care?
Pilot our teens
As parents, it is crucial that we show our teenagers that we respect them, and that we need to work together so that they make the right choices for themselves in their lives. First and foremost, teens want our love and acceptance. As parents, we must show care and empathy and use these approaches as a starting point to talk about and discuss everything else that comes up. Without a caring and understanding foundation, we are lost.
Conversation based on trust and closeness
Teenagers and parents do not have to share the same opinions. They come from two different generations and therefore see things – the world, love, money, etc. – in different ways. Therefore, we need to be able to discuss these things with our teens without them getting in the way of our emotional ties.
Remember that this is a difficult development phase for young people, and they often feel insecure and insecure – your lectures do not give them the security they seek. Our young people want our love and affection to face the world.
Why do teenagers sometimes respond aggressively?
When teens respond aggressively when talking to their parents, there is a reason. This aggression is often stronger in teenagers who have had better relationships with their parents during childhood. They show aggression because they have difficulty separating from their parents and, if they do not, they will be children forever.
For young people, it can be difficult to walk on the path to adulthood. They have to start making their own decisions and can not always have mom and dad there who will tell them what to do.
How can we solve this aggression?
If we understand the meaning and motivation behind our teenagers’ aggression, the intensity will decrease. Of course, if teens say “I hate you” but you understand why they say so, it still hurts. But you can understand and let it go. If you can keep the perspective and not magnify the problem by taking the aggression personally, it will be much easier for all of you.
Young people want our love: What things should parents never do?
As we navigate this challenging period in our children’s lives, there are certain things we must never do as parents.
Do not say things like, “If you do not want to do what I say, pack your bags and go”
We must avoid throwing out our children at all costs, because we will regret it. Instead, explain that we believe they are making a mistake and that we do not accept or approve of what they do.
At the same time, we must convey the message that we are still there for them no matter what happens and that we love them unconditionally. This will give them the security they need, which is exactly what they want.
Do not try to be a perfect mom or dad
If we try to be perfect, it will only make our teens feel alienated. If you allow yourself to be imperfect, your teenage children will be more open to connecting.
Remember that young people feel insecure about how they should relate to others. Therefore, if you project an image of perfection and strength, your children will feel more afraid. They will definitely not want to talk. Be willing to show your weaknesses, mistakes and mistakes. This will help your children feel closer to you.
Put down your phone and turn off the TV when your young people want your love
Sometimes we are so focused on our favorite shows, social media or the latest updates from our friends that we do not pay attention and see our children.
Sometimes our children talk to us and we ask them to be quiet because we are busy with something else. And then we have no idea what’s going on when we find out the problem they tried to talk to us about earlier.
If we parents do not listen to our teenagers, or understand the changes they are going through, it is unlikely that we will be aware of what is happening to them.
Yes, we are tired when we come home from work and the last thing we want is to fight with our children. Conversations easily turn into conflicts because we try to use reason and reason to impose our ideas on them. But we must remember that our young people want our love and affection, not lectures.
You do not have to hesitate for a second about whether your child needs your time and your patience. We are parents and no one ever said it would be easy. But we must be there for our young people if we want to help them avoid problems during this important phase of life.
